Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
