First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This baby is an asshole
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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