so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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