suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
