i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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