I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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