honey bunches of taint.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
