I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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