I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
