you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
