So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So squirting runs in the family.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
