Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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