life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
