9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The uberlube is also flammable
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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