You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
