Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
