You just made me feel so damn special
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
