First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
