I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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