I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
