those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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