I molested 6 butterflies tonight
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
