i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
