it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Terrible idea I love it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
