There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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