Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
