not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
