So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
