Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
