I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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