just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
