woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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