why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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