I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
