this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
