My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
