I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
