I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
