i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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