He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We are two peas in an std pod
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
