i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
