I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
