Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
