So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she looked like the before picture.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
