Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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