my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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