He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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