It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
