So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
