P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
