Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
